1st April, 2017 –
I don’t know who I am. I live with a man who claims to be my husband. He goes to work and I am left here alone in this big lifeless house where nobody but the silence talks. I write this diary everyday and hide it in my closet. You are my only friend. I talk to the walls, who I believe listens to me. But I want to hear someone talk, I want to hear someone sing. I think I loved music in my forgotten life. I asked my husband, he shook his head. Oh! I can hear his footsteps. I gotta go now.
2nd April, 2017 –
He calls me Shanaya. I like the name, but it doesn’t feel mine. He says it’s natural as I have no memory of my life before the accident. He’s right; I don’t even remember him or us falling in love, our marriage, the life post marriage – our fights, our lovemaking, …nothing. I feel nothing for him. He kisses me every night and says that he loves me. I don’t say it back. How can I? I don’t like lying. He stares at my face while I close my eyes and pretend to fall asleep. I don’t know what I should feel for him. Love? Lust? Sympathy? Regret? All I feel is frustration, resentment and a smidgen of hate.
3rd April, 2017 –
I saw a man today; he was standing outside the back gate and gazing at our house. I watched him from behind the curtain. I could tell he was looking for something or someone. His face seemed familiar. He was tall, had a muscular figure, a tanned face and a charming smile on it. My husband told me not to pull back the curtains, but I did. I wanted him to see me; I don’t know why but I wanted him to know that I was there, that I was lonely. He looked intently at my face for quite some time and left. I just heard my husband’s car pull up outside; good night diary!
4th April, 2017 –
Today I questioned my husband’s decision of keeping me captive in this house. I asked him why I cannot step outside; why am I not allowed to draw back the curtains? Why can I not meet people, make friends? Why isn’t there any modes of communication in the house? His face tightened while he said – “I want to protect you.” I asked – “From what? From whom?” Although he didn’t reply, I’m happy that I stood up for myself and I believe that somehow my change of behavior had something to do with the new man in my life. He again showed up today; we silently stared at each other. I smiled and he smiled back. I think he knows me. I need to find out.
6th April, 2017 –
My husband got some books for me yesterday. He said it would help pass time. The moment he stepped out of the house, I threw them away. I hated him a little more today. I bathed, put on the red dress my husband got me last week and stood behind the window. When I saw him, he waved a white paper with some words scribbled on it at me – I KNOW YOU. Then another – YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE. I too scribbled some words on a paper and waved at him – WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU. He took out another paper with a picture pasted on it; in the picture, the two of us were sitting together and smiling at the camera.
9th April, 2017 –
I asked my husband if I had any friends before the accident took place; he shook his head. I knew he was lying; he shouldn’t be trusted blindly. Next day, the stranger asked me to meet him outside the house; I told him it was not possible as all the doors and windows were locked from the outside. He said he would help me escape; all I need to do is break the window. I said I needed time to think. What do you think I should do? My heart says – ‘Escape’ and my head says – ‘Don’t rush’.
10th April, 2017 –
I have decided that I would escape. I cannot live this life anymore; I can’t breathe in this house. I feel like the empty house would eat me up. I have to escape; there’s no other choice. I need to talk with someone and my heart believes that the stranger can be trusted. It’s the only way I can get rid of my husband.
Shanaya managed to break the window and come out of the house with the help of the stranger. Without wasting any time, they got into his car.
“Why are you helping me? Who are you?” Shanaya asked.
The man smirked – ” That man who you call your husband, freed you from my hands that night. He is your ex lover who’s madly in love with you. A fool!” he paused, laughed out loud and added,” I didn’t hurt you purposely, trust me. I saw you talking with him, lost my temper and pushed you down the stairs in the heat of the moment. He took you to the hospital, and then you both disappeared. He thought he would protect you from me, what a moron! Nobody can protect you from me; I’m your husband sweetheart!”
Before Shanaya could react, he hit her on the head with a heavy object. Her unconscious body fell forward with a thud. he started the car and drove off.
– Chirasree, a dreamer.