I woke up to the sounds of rain. The smell of wet mud filled my nostrils and a thousand memories flashed through my mind; all of them belonged to my childhood days. The tears from previous night had dried up; the heart wasn’t filled with ache anymore. It didn’t seem like I’d cried to sleep last night, rather it seemed more like something good was about to happen.
Mom opened the door and entered with a tray in her hands – “Wake up.” She said, placing the tray on the bedside table and sitting on the bed next to my pillow.
I rolled over to her side and buried my face in her lap – “Just a couple more minutes, Mom.” I said.
“Hmm…” she was silent for a while, then added, “did you sleep well last night?”
“How long are you here?” She asked.
“Just one week?…you’ve come home after six months!” She sounded disappointed.
“…didn’t get more leaves, Mom.” I replied, feeling sad and cursing my job at the same time.
She remained silent. After a few minutes she got off the bed to leave; I grabbed her hand; not opening my eyes, I said – “please stay…I want to rest my head in your lap for some time.”
She sat down again and placed her hand on my head – “Is everything alright?…you look thin and weak…don’t you eat properly?”
I smiled to myself. Yes, I had answers to her questions. Everything wasn’t alright anymore.
I’d left town not only for the job, but to live life freely. I wanted to taste freedom. I’d moved to that city because the man I loved was living there. Not that I was regretting my decision, neither I wanted to come back home.
But I’d missed her; I’d missed home, I’d missed the smell of wet mud and the sound of rain. The rain looked different in that city, the smell wasn’t the same either. I hadn’t slept peacefully for months. I didn’t know if I really lost weight or it was her exaggeration, but eating had become nothing but a way of shutting up my empty stomach; I’d stopped enjoying my food.
The love and the relationship were still intact; he took good care of me. But something seemed missing, although I had no idea what it really was. There was no reason to be unhappy, yet I wasn’t happy. Something was missing, and probably that would always remain missing in my life.
I sniffled, wiped the teardrop from the corner of my eye and replied – “No, Mom…nothing’s wrong. You always exaggerate…I still look fat. I need to start a diet, you know!”
I looked up at her face and saw her eyes go soft; they told me she did hear the cry inside of me.
– Chirasree, a dreamer.
This is dedicated to my mother…I never wish her on Mother’s day because I don’t feel you need a specific day to celebrate a mother’s love. This post is special to me for many reasons; it conveys something that many of us who stay away from our parents, would be able to relate to.